I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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