hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
