I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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