I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize