In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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