Yo dont text me then not text me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
