so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
