She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize