I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
