Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
