Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
