hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
