Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you had me at cake vodka
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
