There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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