508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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