You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize
