Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
