I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
