Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
