By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
