Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
