kristin has been a bad kristin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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