i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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