He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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