I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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