She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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