90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize