the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
