highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
