There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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