I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Randomize
