he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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