Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
