I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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