he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
