I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
