theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
