at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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