He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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