I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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