i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
