Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
