we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
