She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
