I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
