yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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