epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize