..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
