his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
