I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
