bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the day after is always just damage control
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
