I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish i was in the wii world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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