I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
