I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
