Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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