Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
