She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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