i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
