Your dad touched me again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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