During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
