just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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