this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
