It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
