There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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