so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
