i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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