It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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