How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
