is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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